I have the place to myself for awhile. I am reunited with this feeling of having an immense amount of time to spend and when I realise this, I have to push down the accompanying guilt I feel; the guilt that has been ingrained so long in a life that has been far too busy. Something keeps whispering, "But there must be something needing to be done!" When I hear that, I have learned that it is something that is not myself.
It is now past ten in the evening and I have just come in from the hammock on the porch. I don't know if I have ever done that - lain out in the dark on a hammock - but in that time that I did, I have caught a glimpse of the girl I used to be. I miss her intensely and I understand that at the core of her, she understood what it was to be loved by God and that that was all she ever needed. I'm trying to remember what that feels like now. It's going to take time.
But fortunately, time is what I now have.